I have always thought of girls being more emotionally unstable then boys, but in the past few weeks, I have seen this stereotypical thinking being quiet untrue. Rejections, family feuds, friends and even so that I feel the grudge in trying to live. I have contemplated suicide over and over. Infact I can trace it back to when I was 9. even, before that, I do remember, sitting in a corner of my parents bedroom... thinking of life and death. It may seem a bit much but the thruth is that I have always thought of how I came to be such a mystery.
When, I first 'opened my eyes' I remembered nothing but I knew how to talk, I recognized my parents, I could even operate my parents vintage television set... and I would think of the transition between from being in the womb and being out here.
Then I would think of death and god, what is god? Is god real? Will see the darkness and loneliness in that old tomb? Or will I rest peacefully?Then I would imagine the coldness of death... and cry my self to sleep only to wake up as if I had never had such terrible thoughts before.
PS: I want to mention that you shouldn't leave your friends hanging. When I was very young, still in the states though, I was used by this young indian lady who was suffering from deppression... she was always so happy when she looked at me. Then one day she looked at me and cried... afetr that, I never saw her again, neither did I mention about her.
Well, anyways, here are the clips of the day
1973
and here is a great new song:
Shadow of The Day
But no matter what I feel today, I don't wanna end so sadly;
so here's something to chew on:
Thanks for the memories
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